"TURNER BROWN"

    A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE man standing next to him.  The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him. When the little guy finally comes around, the big guy asks him, "What's wrong with you?"  In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?"  The big dude said, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, and my name is "Turner Brown."  The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said `Turn Around!'"

"POTENTIAL vs. REALITY"

    A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment.  He asks his father for help.  "Dad, can you tell me the difference between *potential* and *reality*?"  His father looks up thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it for you.  Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars.  Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.  Then come back and tell me what you've learned."  The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means.  He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"  His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your dad, but yes, I would."  Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"  His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"  The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out.  Potentially we're sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with a couple of whores."