"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means....
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm
hurt."
"I do help around the house." Really means....
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
"I can't find it." Really means....
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"I'm going fishing." Really means...
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in
my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing." Really means....
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at
all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" Really means...
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes,
dear." Really means....
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain." Really means...
"I have no idea how it works.
"I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means....
"The batteries in the remote are dead."
"We're going to be late." Really means...
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really
means....
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear." Really means....
"Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means....
"I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me." Really means...
"You want me to stay awake."
"It's a really good movie." Really means....
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
"That's women's work." Really means....
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"Will you marry me?" Really means....
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more
peanut butter."
"You know how bad my memory is." Really means....
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed
and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your
birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means....
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"What did I do this time?" Really means....
"What did you catch me at?"
"I heard you." Really means....
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can
fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else." Really
means....
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific." Really means....
"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I brought you a present." Really means....
"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
"I missed you." Really means....
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet
paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really
means....
"No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework." Really means....
"I make the messes, she cleans them up."
"This relationship is getting too serious." Really
means....
"I like you more than my truck."
"I don't need to read the instructions." Really means....
"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later." Really means....
"If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really
means....
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."