One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is sitting
wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil.
Devil: Why so glum, Chum?
Guy: What do you think? I am in hell!!
Devil: Hell isn't all that bad really. We actually have a lot of fun down here.
Are you a drinking man?
Guy: Yes, sure, i love a drink or two in the evening.
Devil: Well, you are going to love Monday's then. On Monday all we do is drink.
Whisky, Guinness, Wine, Tequila, Vodka, in fact if it contains alcohol, we drink it.
We all drink until we throw up, then we drink some more!
Guy: That sounds like a really wild time, i think i'll like Monday
Devil: Are you a smoker?
Guy: Of course, i smoke 20 a day
Devil: Cool, you will love Tuesday's. We get the finest cigars from all around the
world, and we smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no big deal, as you're dead
already, so it won't kill you.
Guy: Wow ... That's brilliant!!
Devil: I bet you love to gamble too?
Guy: Why yes, i often have a flutter on the horses, as well as a line or two on the
lottery.
Devil: Well, Wednesday is the day we gamble, any game you want. Craps, Blackjack,
Poker, Roulette, One Arm Bandits, Lottery, Football, Horses, Dogs, or whatever.... Gamble
all you want on Wednesday. If you go bankrupt there's no worries, you are already
dead, and all debts are cancelled out from the selling of your soul to me. - What about
drugs? You do drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding?? Can't get by without an ounce or two... You mean to say...
Devil: That's right... Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a large bowl of crack,
smack, weed, hemp, speed, or whatever. Smoke a stick the size of a battleship if you
feel the need to. You can do all the dope you want to and get so high you'll think
you've risen to heaven. And if you overdose then, you guessed it, no problem, you
are already dead - So who cares! O.D all you want, you'll wake up still here.
Guy: Wow! - I never realised that hell was such a great place to be!
Devil: Are you gay?
Guy: No way! - I hate gays, i'd even cross the street to avoid one!
Devil: Ooooh... Now that could be tricky... I don't think you are going to like Friday's