Electric Shocking Pager
Your employees will never forget a meeting with these helpful reminders strapped to their bodies. This unbreakable device will deliver a painful electric shock to notify them of all pending appointments and approaching deadlines. Not legal for use on livestock.
Shrieking Sonic Mind Mangler
Put on this sleek "virtual reality" helmet and you're guaranteed to clear your mind in under a minute! Blinding strobe lights and screeching stereophonic sirens will overwhelm your senses in a cacophony of stimuli. Requires ten D batteries, not included.
Stress Enhancement Tapes
Don't lull yourself to complacent slumber with sounds of ocean waves & forest breezes; pop in these jarring cassettes and keep your edge! Feel your skin crawl as the sound of braking trolley cars, multi vehicle highway accidents, and low-flying jets assaults your ears on the Urban Rhythms tape. Thrill to the sounds of screeching howler monkeys defending their territory on Shrieks of Nature! Forty-seven tapes in all. Hurry! Supplies are limited.
The Enchanted Chalkboard
Spend a thrilling evening with Itchi, Peruvian master of the Musical Chalkboard, as his talented fingernails scratch out your favorite tunes on this four album collection. Every hair on your body will stand on end during his half-hour scraped rendition of Moon River. Be moved to tears by his masterful two-handed interpretation of Chariots of Fire. Perfect for the office or library!
FlossTracker
How many times has this happened to you: you just gorged yourself on roast beef and corn on the cob, yet you discover you're now out of dental floss! Well, you'll never be without floss again with FlossTracker, the advanced software solution from FlossWare. Record your hourly flossing activity in the Spreadsheet Module to generate an exhaustive statistical profile of your floss consumption, complete with three-dimensional distribution plots and histograms. FlossTracker will even monitor your current floss inventory, projecting your floss needs for the coming weeks and automatically ordering additional floss as necessary from the nearest FlossWare Regional Distribution Center. FlossTracker requires a Pentium PC with 32MB of RAM, 1.2GB of storage space, an atomic clock, a Romulan cloaking device, and Windows 95.